07 January 2010

Update and some good advice from a friend

I became a Christian in college. There were several students in our Christian fellowship a few years ahead of me who were always so caring to us younger (and dumber) students. I looked up to them then and feel so thankful to the Lord for the ways He has cared for me through them.

Tabitha is one of these friends. Tab married her college sweetheart, and I remember just being so amazed and mystified that someone in college could actually know who she was going to marry. Seemed quite mysterious to me.

We got reconnected through Facebook (of course! Is that becoming a cliche?). She really loves Jesus and it just shines through her.

Her comment on my blog after yesterday's post meant to much to me. I found it very wise and loving and full of grace. So, with her permission, I'm posting here as regular post that it might instruct and encourage us. Even if you don't find yourself in the place that our church is, you might someday.

Kit,
i did peds ICU for a long time. there is so much grief and death. you know what i learned by letting the mommas and daddies teach me? (really.) they don't want you to have answers. they want you to be quiet and listen.... even when it's awfully awkward and the temptation is to say something to cover the silence. don't talk and just let the tears come. it means you have mercy and compassion. and when words are necessary, ask if you can pray with them instead... something very short and sweet like, "Jesus, my friend is grieving and we are sad, because we love and miss her baby---(name)--- God, please wrap Your Arms around them, so they can feel You, amen. The general public, even those at church, who by and large ALL mean well, either say something that comes across dumb or say nothing at all, due to awkwardness. BOTH hurt. Most mommas say that they WISH people would ask them about their baby or ASK to see pictures and then just cry with them. My dear friend Kate's baby died at 3 weeks. Even knowing this i told her: Kate, my heart is breaking for you and i want to know and hear about your son, but i am afraid that asking you will make you sadder. Her response: TAB, i cry every day anyway. it is so nice to have somebody to cry WITH. when people don't ask, i think that they don't want to know... he was my son, and i never want to forget.
HARD STUFF. Kit, Jesus will give you the words! He is already showing you what to do. What a good friend! You are not sure-- but trudging forward INTO the pain anyway-- that is the mark of a great friend. I will pray with you! I'm assuming this was the young infant on ECMO, and that he must have had a hypoplastic left heart. tell me how to pray, as you know.... God is obviously calling you in and HE will equip you!
and YES. being an adult is so very over-rated, no?
You are Loved!


Tabitha, thanks for your love of the Lord and your love for the body of Christ! Our God is always doing more than we ask or imagine.

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