Growing up

Our church is young. Sometimes John and I feel like we're OLD at our church.

Many people in our church come and go. We are situated between two major universities and families come for a few years of school and move on.

We have lots of babies! It seems like we've always got about ten ladies expecting at any one time - sometimes more.

Somehow, in the thirteen years that John and I have been at our church, we seem to have been spared many tragedies. I can't think of a funeral happening in our church. Even with all the babies, it's almost always been smooth sailing.

As our church grows, it (she?) will inevitably have to also grow

A couple new to our city and our church (since last summer) lost their infant son last week. He lived three miraculous weeks. In any other city (without our medical resources, especially for pediatrics), he might not have lived at all outside of the womb. I only know this family a little bit, just in passing. But my heart just breaks for their loss and grief and suffering.

The mom had attended our women's Bible study this fall, so we've been really praying for her since it was discovered that the baby had a heart defect. I don't know how well she knows people or is known by people at church.

Now we young women are the grown-ups. We're doing the things we might have seen our mothers do. Do we make food for after the service? How do we help the family? How do we love them? How do we
be Jesus to them while they're here with us, in our midst, in the midst of their pain? When did we get old to enough to be in charge of these things?

So tonight I'm in my kitchen late, making food for a funeral, thinking about growing up, the pain of it, and how Jesus might come and change us. Make us different for having walked through this together.

Come, Lord Jesus.


  1. Come, Lord Jesus, indeed.

    In both rejoicing and grieving together, the Lord is building His church.

    Thanks for the reflection, Kit.

  2. Amen. I echo Heather's thanks. Good word indeed.

  3. Kit,
    i did peds ICU for a long time. there is so much grief and death. you know what i learned by letting the mommas and daddies teach me? (really.) they don't want you to have answers. they want you to be quiet and listen.... even when it's awfully awkward and the temptation is to say something to cover the silence. don't talk and just let the tears come. it means you have mercy and compassion. and when words are necessary, ask if you can pray with them instead... something very short and sweet like, "Jesus, my friend is grieving and we are sad, because we love and miss her baby---(name)--- God, please wrap Your Arms around them, so they can feel You, amen. The general public, even those at church, who by and large ALL mean well, either say something that comes across dumb or say nothing at all, due to awkwardness. BOTH hurt. Most mommas say that they WISH people would ask them about their baby or ASK to see pictures and then just cry with them. My dear friend Kate's baby died at 3 weeks. Even knowing this i told her: Kate, my heart is breaking for you and i want to know and hear about your son, but i am afraid that asking you will make you sadder. Her response: TAB, i cry every day anyway. it is so nice to have somebody to cry WITH. when people don't ask, i think that they don't want to know... he was my son, and i never want to forget.
    HARD STUFF. Kit, Jesus will give you the words! He is already showing you what to do. What a good friend! You are not sure-- but trudging forward INTO the pain anyway-- that is the mark of a great friend. I will pray with you! I'm assuming this was the young infant on ECMO, and that he must have had a hypoplastic left heart. tell me how to pray, as you know.... God is obviously calling you in and HE will equip you!
    and YES. being an adult is so very over-rated, no?
    You are Loved!

  4. WOW! Well said, Kitty......I often wonder the same things....we do share the same brain, after all! Love you so much and miss your heart on a day to day basis! The funeral for a baby is the WORST! I actually sang (for the first time in public) in a trio for baby Garrett's service......I was ok until I looked at the grieving Momma & Daddy....then it was all over! Heart-wrenching! Praise God, that HE GETS ALL THE GLORY and less than 2 years later...we are celebrating with the same couple...the birth of a healthy, beautiful baby boy....9 days old!:) much better to come home after a delivery WITH a baby!!!
    Love & hugs, Lynette


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